Why You Can’t Fix Someone Else’s Addiction

When someone you love is struggling with addiction, it’s natural to want to help. You might feel desperate to say or do the right thing, to encourage them to stop, to get treatment, or simply to be okay again. But when your efforts don’t seem to make a difference, you can be left feeling powerless, angry, or heartbroken.

It’s important to remember that you can’t fix someone else’s addiction – and that isn’t your failure. Addiction is complex and deeply personal, and recovery must come from within. However, that doesn’t mean there’s nothing you can do. Therapy can help you understand your role, find boundaries, and begin caring for yourself in the process.

Understanding the Urge to Help

When we care about someone, it’s instinctive to want to protect them. You might try to reason with them, hide the evidence of drinking or drug use, or take over responsibilities they’re neglecting. At first, this might seem like helping – but over time, it can create a painful pattern of rescuing and resentment.

From a psychodynamic and relational perspective, this need to help often connects to earlier life experiences. Perhaps you learned that your worth comes from caring for others, or that love means fixing things. Therapy offers space to explore these patterns and how they shape the way you respond now.

Why You Can’t Fix It for Them

Addiction is not simply a matter of willpower. It’s influenced by many factors: biological, psychological, emotional, and social. The person affected must ultimately take ownership of their own recovery.

When you take responsibility for their change, a few things can happen:

• You become emotionally exhausted or burnt out
• The person may resist or withdraw, feeling controlled
• You lose sight of your own needs and identity
• Resentment and guilt start to grow on both sides

The truth is, you can offer love and support, but not control. Change happens when a person is ready and has the right support around them.

How Therapy Can Support You

Therapy for family and friends gives you a confidential, compassionate space to process what’s happening and find a sense of balance again. Together, we can explore:

• Why it’s so hard to “let go” and what that really means
• How to maintain boundaries without withdrawing care
• The emotions underneath the surface – fear, guilt, anger, or sadness
• How to reconnect with your own wellbeing and sense of identity

Through a relational and psychodynamic approach, you can begin to understand how your own experiences, relationships, and family dynamics influence your response to addiction. This awareness often leads to healthier boundaries and a greater sense of calm and clarity.

You Can Still Make a Difference

Accepting that you can’t fix someone else’s addiction doesn’t mean giving up. Instead, it means supporting them from a place of compassion rather than control.

You can:

• Encourage professional help and provide information about support services
• Offer emotional honesty, not ultimatums or rescuing
• Take care of your own wellbeing through therapy, rest, and self-care
• Model healthy boundaries and stability

When you look after yourself, you show your loved one that change and recovery are possible, not through force, but through example.

Therapy for Families and Loved Ones in Brighton & Online

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