Finding the courage to open up
Talking about self harm can feel incredibly difficult. You might worry about how your therapist will react, fear being judged, or feel unsure how to even begin the conversation. These feelings are completely understandable, opening up about something so private and personal can feel exposing.
But therapy is a space where you don’t have to hide. It’s a place designed for honesty, compassion, and curiosity about your inner world, including the parts you may have kept secret for a long time.
If you’re thinking about how to talk to your therapist about self harm, you’re already taking a brave and important step.
Why It’s Hard to Talk About Self Harm
For many people, self harm is connected to deep feelings of shame, fear, or self-criticism. You might worry that saying it out loud will change how your therapist sees you, or that you’ll lose control of the conversation. Some people have had negative experiences in the past – with professionals, teachers, or even family – and fear that therapy will be the same.
In reality, most therapists are experienced in working with self harm and will respond with empathy, not judgement. The aim isn’t to take control away from you, but to help you explore what’s happening at your pace, and in your own words.
Ways to Begin the Conversation
There’s no right or wrong way to bring it up. This is going to be very personal to you. But as an example, you might:
- Mention it at the start or end of a session, when you feel ready.
- Write it down if saying it feels too hard.
- Use indirect language at first. For example, “I sometimes hurt myself when I’m overwhelmed.”
- Tell your therapist you want to talk about something difficult, but you’re not sure how.
A good therapist will respect your pace, helping you feel grounded and supported as you share more.
What Happens After You Tell Your Therapist
When you talk about self harm, your therapist won’t rush to stop you or tell you what to do. Instead, they’ll aim to understand what self harm means for you – what emotions, memories, or experiences are linked to it.
In psychodynamic and relational therapy, the focus is on building a safe and consistent space to explore those feelings. Together, you’ll work towards recognising what triggers the urge to self harm, finding new ways to manage distress, and strengthening your sense of control and self-worth.
Therapy for self harm isn’t about taking away your coping mechanism before you’re ready. It’s about helping you build something more sustainable in its place.
If You’re Feeling Nervous About Starting Therapy
It’s completely normal to feel anxious about beginning counselling, especially if this is your first time, or if you’ve had difficult experiences in the past. You don’t need to share everything right away. Therapy unfolds gradually, as trust grows.
You might find that online sessions feel less intimidating at first, offering privacy and comfort from your own space. Whether in Brighton or online, therapy with me can provide a gentle way to begin speaking about self harm when you’re ready.
Self harm doesn’t define who you are. It’s a way of coping with emotions that may once have felt unbearable, and therapy offers a path toward understanding those feelings, rather than being ruled by them.
If you’re considering counselling for self harm, know that you don’t have to have the perfect words. Simply showing up is enough.
If you have or feel like you might harm yourself right now, you need urgent medical attention. Call 999 and ask for an ambulance, go to A&E, call your crisis team or your GP.