Boarding school experiences
For many people, the time spent at boarding school continues to shape life, long after leaving. While some remember it fondly, others carry complex feelings that are difficult to put into words. If your experiences at boarding school are still affecting your relationships, your work, or your sense of self, speaking with a qualified counsellor can provide the therapeutic support you need.
What is boarding school syndrome
Boarding school syndrome is a term coined by British psychotherapist Joy Schaverien. It describes the psychological and emotional difficulties that some former boarders experience as a result of their early years in boarding school.
Although each individual’s experience is unique, the sudden separation from home, the loss of consistent family attachment, and the emphasis on self reliance at a young age can leave lasting emotional imprints. For many people, these patterns resurface in adulthood in ways that can be confusing or distressing.
Common challenges linked to boarding school syndrome
It’s important to recognise that not everyone who attended boarding school will experience difficulties later in life. Some former pupils report positive outcomes such as resilience, adaptability, and independence. However, these strengths often exist alongside hidden challenges or coping mechanisms that may no longer feel helpful.
Some of the difficulties commonly associated with boarding school syndrome include:
- Perfectionism and overachievement – striving constantly to prove worth
- Workaholism – using busyness as a way to avoid difficult feelings
- Emotional detachment – finding it hard to connect deeply with others
- Difficulty forming close relationships – fear of intimacy or abandonment
- Feelings of rejection or abandonment – linked to early separation from family
- Suppressed emotions – difficulty expressing sadness, fear, or vulnerability
These patterns may affect personal relationships, family life, career choices, and overall emotional wellbeing.
How Counselling Can Help With Boarding School Syndrome
Boarding school syndrome counselling provides a safe, supportive, and non-judgemental environment where you can begin to explore your experiences. Therapy can help you:
- Reflect on what life at boarding school was really like for you
- Understand how those early experiences continue to shape your adult life
- Process feelings of grief, anger, or loss that may have been hidden for years
- Develop healthier ways of relating to yourself and others
- Build confidence, self-compassion, and emotional resilience
Counselling isn’t about criticising your past, but about giving you the space to make sense of it. By gently uncovering the impact of boarding school, you can choose how you want to live now, rather than feeling controlled by old coping strategies.
Taking the First Step
Perhaps reading about other people’s boarding school experiences has brought up memories or emotions you hadn’t thought about in years. Or maybe you’ve always felt that something didn’t quite fit, and only recently discovered that others have similar stories.
Whatever has led you here, know that you do not have to work through this alone. Therapy offers a space where your experiences are taken seriously and your feelings are validated.
Ready to Talk?
If you would like to explore your boarding school experiences in a safe and understanding space, get in touch to arrange a confidential phone call with me. Together, we can begin the process of making sense of your past and building a more fulfilling future.