Why Talking About Childhood Still Matters in Therapy

Many people come to therapy wondering whether talking about childhood is really necessary. You might feel that what happened was a long time ago, that you should have “moved on”, or that focusing on the past risks getting stuck there. These are understandable concerns. And yet, in psychodynamic therapy, childhood continues to matter – not because we want to dwell on it, but because it quietly shapes how we live and relate today.

Talking about our childhood in therapy isn’t about blaming parents or rehashing old stories for their own sake. It’s about understanding how early experiences became part of your emotional world, often in ways that still influence you now.

Childhood doesn’t stay in the past

Even when we grow up and become adults, our early experiences don’t disappear. They become part of how we expect relationships to feel, how safe or unsafe the world seems, and how we respond to closeness, conflict, or uncertainty. These patterns often operate beneath our awareness.

You might notice this in familiar ways. Perhaps you struggle to ask for help, feel responsible for other people’s emotions, or find yourself withdrawing when things feel intense. These responses often made sense in childhood. Therapy offers a space to explore where they came from and whether they are still serving you.

Why we return to childhood in Psychodynamic Therapy

Psychodynamic therapy is interested in the roots of emotional patterns. Childhood is not the only place these patterns form, but it is often where they begin. The way you were responded to as a child (how comfort was offered, how emotions were handled, how conflict was managed) can shape your inner sense of self.

Talking about childhood in therapy helps to gently bring these influences into awareness. Not all childhood experiences were dramatic or obviously traumatic. Sometimes it’s the quieter moments, what wasn’t said, what wasn’t noticed, what you learned to hold in, that matter most.

It’s not about blame

A common fear is that exploring childhood means criticising parents or caregivers. In reality, psychodynamic therapy aims for understanding rather than judgement. Many caregivers did the best they could with what they had. At the same time, even well-intentioned environments can leave emotional gaps.

Therapy allows space for complexity. You can hold appreciation and disappointment side by side. You can acknowledge love and pain at the same time. This kind of nuanced understanding often brings relief rather than bitterness.

How childhood shows up in adult life

You may not arrive in therapy wanting to talk about childhood at all. You might come because of anxiety, low mood, relationship difficulties, or a sense of feeling stuck. Over time, links may naturally emerge between early experiences and present-day challenges.

For example, you might notice how you relate to authority figures, how you respond to criticism, or how you manage closeness and distance in relationships. These patterns are not signs of weakness. They are learned responses, shaped in a particular emotional context.

Going at your pace

Talking about childhood doesn’t happen all at once, and it’s never forced. In therapy, we move at a pace that feels manageable for you. Some people speak openly about early memories; others begin by exploring current experiences and gradually make connections over time.

The therapeutic relationship itself often becomes part of this exploration. Feelings that arise between you and your therapist (trust, hesitation, closeness, uncertainty) can offer gentle insight into how relationships have felt for you in the past.

Why this work can be healing

When childhood experiences are acknowledged and understood, something often shifts. You may begin to feel more compassionate towards yourself, less critical of your reactions, and more able to make conscious choices rather than repeating old patterns.

Understanding your emotional history can help you feel more grounded in the present. It allows you to respond to today’s challenges as the adult you are now, rather than through the lens of past adaptations.

Talking about childhood is about the present

Ultimately, talking about childhood in therapy is not about living in the past. It’s about making sense of the present. It’s about understanding why certain situations feel particularly hard, why some emotions linger, and why certain relationships touch something deep inside you.

When these connections are gently explored, therapy becomes a place where insight, self-understanding and change can unfold naturally.

Thinking about therapy?

If you’re curious about therapy and wondering whether exploring childhood might be part of the process, you don’t need to decide in advance.